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The Internet, Xs, And Suicide


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#1 HSDEMONZ

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Posted 13 March 2004 - 08:42 PM

I got news about a member of XS.. who committed Suicide this past Tues.

Allow me to spend a few minutes and comment about this.

He was a semi active poster here.. more than a few hundred posts.. and loved this site, and related scene channels. Active in some of the technical forums.

He was a teen.. who had the typical batch of problems some teens have...

Problems with skin.. acne.. etc.
Problems with being unpopular..
Problems at home with parents and siblings..
Couldn't get more than one date with a girl..


...and more.

Well.. I guess he felt that the one thing he was good at was XBOX. He was a great game player. Played with him a few time myself on Xbconnect. Playing him made you a better player.. cause it was clear he was a borderline clan type player.

He also loved to dig into the scene.. and learn all about what you can do with a modded unit. Few people knew more than him.

Now here is where it all turns sour.

Well.. his parents started fighting.. more often then usual at XMAS... ruined xmas. Tension brewed.. and one walked out on the other. Now we have a broken house.. and an already depressed and screwed up kid. Well.. one of the two parents decided to commit suicide. As you can imagine.. in a household that had problems.. this just made things 100 times worse.

So.. he now has one widowed parent.. things can't get much worse right?

January rolls around.. report card time. Bad grades.. surviving parent decideds for the first time to smack our member knocking them to the ground.

One dead parent.. one abusive parent.

He then heads off to school for the new semester. Acne not giving him any breaks.. and all his attempts to gain acceptance amongst his peers just get him ridiculed.

Somewhere along the line.. he managed to get a girl in the same grade to go out with him. Not sure how he did it.. but managed to have sex with her. Both being 14.. young and stupid... turns out she got pregnant. (he was batting 1000 apparently)

So.. for those keeping school.. busted up homelife.. one dead parent.. screwed up social life and school life.. and a "girlfriend" he touched once and got pregnant.

Now.. this is where XS comes in.

Instead of getting professional Physhiactric help.. he decided to pour himself into this site. He become active. reading and absorbing everything. He becomes a BST sellers and trader and starts bartering alot on the forum. He becomes active in 6 or 7 scene related channels.

He then makes a few mistakes...

In BST.. he screws up a few transactions. His name get's tarnished. In other forums.. he made the mistake of assuming something when in fact he was wrong.. got exposed for it.. and then was laughed at.

This carries over into his IRC persona.. where people realize the connection from his now screwed up XS name.. and his IRC Persona. He is again pushed aside.. taunted.. and laughed at.

So.. he comes back online to XS.. makes some slams against the staff.. and decides to go out in a blaze of glory. Posts some clealry bad shit.. (double whammy of porn links and backups sales) in an effort to get some attention one last time. He gets it.. gets banned for it.

A couple of days later he was dead.

I spent 2 hours with his mother Friday night. Accessed his account from his machine.. and found PM's to and from members. Plenty of them cruel reminders that this guy just couldn't seem to find a way to fit in.

Talked to his mom.. and found that she didn't even know he was dead for 24 hrs because she was too drunk. Sad.

Learned though.. that the boy was on and off illegal drugs.. and was on and off prescribed anti-depressants.. etc. This kid was a toxic cocktail. He had stopped getting profession help 10 months befire taking his own life. By my calculation.. that means his entire time on this site.. when he should have been getting professional help.. he was ignoring the advice of family, friends, and medical professionals... and wasting hours online this site and related channels.. trying to gain himself an "image" as a cool XS member.

He had aspirations of trying to be a DEV in this scene... always mouthing off about this project and that. Mostly to get attention. Because of his immaturity.. the only attention he got from anyone was bad. His replies to some negative posts just made the situation worse for him.. as people can smell a fraud a mile away.

Bottom line.. one dumb kid who spent too much time online and not enough time with his friends and family and doctors took his life.

He's not the first person to attempt.. or claim to attempt suicide. But as far as I know.. he was the first to succeed. A few Months ago.. another dumb kid came on XS.. who had some personal issue like home, family and school etc.. had turned XS and online life into his sanctuary.. then one day flipped out.. Posted a suicide letter on XS and then gave goodbe notices in relevant irc channels. He then allegedly popped some pills.. and would be dead if not for the interfence and good judgement of another member. He too.. spent far too much time online.. and on this site... instead of living in the real world.. with real people.. and getting REAL help from medical professionals.

We see the signs in other members lately as well I'm afriad. These members have taken to XS like a fish does to water. However.. already.. the signs are there that they spend too much time here.. and give this site too much importance in their lives. A few in Newbie Chat.. and a few in some other technical and sales forums. They are spending what appears as all of their free time.. helping.. posting.. etc. However.. .some took there activity to mean that they were special.. or worse.. that XS owed them something. So their attitude changed.. posts became agressive and anti-XS or anti-autohrity etc. Night and day difference in their posting habits. It's extremely clear that these people who once relished or cherished this site.. and now are pissed off and upset because they haven't gotten the "respect" or whatever it is they think they are owed by this scene real or imagined. These people need to unplug. and get help asap. I won't mention names.. it's not necessary. Most of you may know who they new trouble makers are.. and see the same signs that we do.

Other people.. with lesser mental disorders.. but still should seek clinical help.. have taken to making mimic sites of xs. These people too.. appear to suffer from various stages of mental disorder.. boardering on the addictive / obsessive. Having had their accounts banned.. and not being welcome here on XS.. they take the initiative to regain what they have lost.. in a veiled attempt anyways.. by producing a mimic site that they can control. (which in itself is laughable.. considering it's the control aspects of XS some of them bitched about most.) They ended up being a gathering of mostly members who are banned.. who never contributed here in any useful or meaningful fashion. (with the exception of one or two individuals) These are people.. at least the obsessive ones who created the mimic sites.. I hope will seek the medical attention they need and deserve.

Then you have another group of disturbed people.. these are the ones you might be more familair with. They post for awhile.. don't like the fact a mod stepped on their toes.. then make it their personal mission in life to make that moderator's job harder. These people are the reason Head Mods now have the power to remove your priv to post on XS. These users turn around.. and post crap like "XS sucks" or "XS is this and that.." and that it "doesn't matter to them". Funny thing.. if it didn't matter to them.. they wouldn't post. The usual pattern after a post like that.. is that they act out more.. and make more posts like XS doesn't matter to them. As you can see.. it does. These are the people I'm currently most concerned about. They like to bash people.. and make obnoxious claims that people here have no life.. etc.. however.. if they had "lives" outside of XS.. they would see the futility of their posts. We do. They may have any number of disorders.. boarding on the addictive / obsessive to the attention seeking / doesn't get the love and attention from other sources. These people.. are at an early stage in their disorder.. and can likley be treated if they seek help now.. instead of wasting their precious time on XS.

These disorder that the oabove members are sufferings from.. may not lead directly to suicide.. but they will linger and fester to engulf other aspects of their lives.. affecting everything from their social lives to whether or not they will be a functional and contributing member of society.

Some quotes from the CDC...

QUOTE
- Suicide took the lives of 29,350 Americans in 2000 (1)
- Persons under age 25 accounted for 15% of all suicides in 2000.1 From 1952-1995, the incidence of suicide among adolescents and young adults nearly tripled. From 1980-1997, the rate of suicide among persons aged 15-19 years increased by 11% and among persons aged 10-14 years by 109%. From 1980-1996, the rate increased 105% for African-American males aged 15-19.1,8
- For young people 15-24 years old, suicide is the third leading cause of death, behind unintentional injury and homicide. In 1999, more teenagers and young adults died from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, and chronic lung disease combined.1
- Among persons aged 15-19 years, firearm-related suicides accounted for more than 60% of the increase in the overall rate of suicide from 1980-1997.1

References
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Web-based Injury Statistics Query and Reporting System (WISQARS) [Online]. (2002). National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (producer). Available from: URL: www.cdc.gov/ncipc/wisqars. [2003 March 27].


If you spend more than 2+ hours on the site per day.. and you aren't a mod, dev, seller, etc.. talk to some friends and family and ask them what they think of your current activities. IF they are honest.. most will tell you that too much time is spent here.

If you think you might have an addictive personality.. or suspect you are slipping into depression.. please.. XS is not the place to find help. You need to talk to family, Friends, and real Doctors. People with PHD beside their name.. not HEAD MOD or ADMIN under it.

If you don't have a family doctor.. call your local health phone line.. or hospital and get some help from professionals who are trained to help.. and who know what they are talking about.

What I want to get across to people.. is that it's great that you love this site.. and want to post alot. Some of you for whatever reasons may have aspirations to even become mods ( I have no idea why though.. it's not fun ). What you can't do.. and shouldn't do.. is make XS.. or any site.. the center of your personal and social universe. Same goes with the IRC channels... which can be even more addictive.

We have no way to keep people from being overly active on the site or the channel. Whatever the age.. you need to make your own decisions how much is too much. Personally.. if you aren't staff.. and aren't a reseller or BST active trader or installer.. then you likely shouldn't be on the site more than 2 hours per day.. and at that... I'm probably being Generous.

I'm an Admin.. I try to read current topics in all forums.. and I'm on the site 4 times per day no matter where I am.. even if that means connecting via wireless means.. but I still try not to spend more tha 2 hours per day total.

XS is great.. but you can't have it be everything in your life. Some day... we will close this site. Nothing is forever. What will you do then? (assuming you are "addicted" like this member was)

Go outside.. breath fresh air. Go to School. Go to Classes. When needed.. get professional help from REAL doctors and not strangers on XS.

Some SUICIDE Prevention Links:

http://www.yellowribbon.org/
http://www.spanusa.org/
http://www.save.org/
http://mentalhealth....cideprevention/
http://www.afsp.org/index-1.htm
http://www.psycom.ne...al.suicide.html
http://www.lollie.co...ue/suicide.html
http://www.cdc.gov/n...ts/suifacts.htm
http://www.sfsuicide.org/
http://metanoia.org/suicide/
http://www.spyc.sanp...com/suicide.htm
http://suicidal.com/

Resources

American Association of Suicidology
http://www.suicidology.org or call 1-202-237-2280

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
http://www.afsp.org

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)
http://www.nimh.nih.gov

National Strategy for Suicide Prevention
Goals and Objectives for Action
http://www.mentalhea...cideprevention/

National Suicide Prevention Strategy
http://www.sg.gov/li...y/calltoaction/

National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center www.safeyouth.org
The National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center (NYVPRC) was established as a central source of information on prevention and intervention programs, publications, research, and statistics on violence committed by and against children and teens. The resource center is a collaboration between the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and other federal agencies. Together, the NYVPRC Website, http://www.safeyouth.org , and call center, 1-866-SAFEYOUTH (723-3968), serve as a user-friendly, single point of access to federal information on youth violence prevention and suicide.

Reporting on Suicide: Recommendations for the Media
http://www.afsp.org/...mmendations.htm
The media play a powerful role in educating the public about suicide prevention. Stories about suicide inform readers and/or viewers about the likely causes of suicide, warning signs, trends in suicide rates, and recent advances in treatment. Media are able to reach multiple audiences about ways to prevent suicide. These recommendations will help guide the media to educate readers and viewers about the steps they can take to prevent suicide.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration (SAMHSA)
http://www.samhsa.gov

Suicide Prevention Advocacy Network (SPAN)
http://www.spanusa.org

SUICIDE is a personal decision. If you have a problem.. get medical attention. XS staff and members are not qualified to give medical advice on this matter. Consult your local White and Yellow Pages for professionals in your area who are qualified to deal with these problems.[/font]


EDIT: Plz don't ask me his name. Unlike that other clown who made his suicide attempts known to XS.. this guy made no attempt to glorify what he was doing.

#2 xbonz00889

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Posted 13 March 2004 - 08:54 PM

Damn sad.gif well i guess to be totaly honest at one time i was a messed up and everthing seemed to be going against me in every way. But my parents got involved and got me help. I cant thank them enough. Now i do spend a lot of time on here and helping people but i make sure to still hang with friends and have fun. Thanks X- Box scene. and if u do have any probs and think about suicide GET HELP.

#3 MeNaCe911

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Posted 13 March 2004 - 09:01 PM

this isnt the first time i hear of this...my friend was once obsessed with something so much it took him to the brink of suicide...luckily it was just a attention attempt...i ask u to actually make this a sticky as a reference for those too obsessed with the scene...i have great sorrow for those lost due to over activity on this website. it scary to hear that someone killed themselves...especially when u know them personally...i go to a school were someone dies atleast twice a year and i hate hearing about it. suicide is hard to notice alot of the time...i especially hate neglecting parents, ive known a few. i hope this post reaches out and touches more than half of the board memebers.

#4 HSDEMONZ

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Posted 13 March 2004 - 09:03 PM

Good idea. I'll pin it in a day or two.. assuming posts drop off an it's not active enough to stay up on it's own merit.

#5 MeNaCe911

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Posted 13 March 2004 - 09:04 PM

QUOTE (HSDEMONZ @ Mar 13 2004, 06:03 PM)
Good idea. I'll pin it in a day or two.. assuming posts drop off an it's not active enough to stay up on it's own merit.

i would hate if that happens...that would make me sick to see members have no sensitivity as to discuss such a important subject while others like "what power would u want" get tons of post...

#6 chilin_dude

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Posted 13 March 2004 - 09:09 PM

Damn... that is too sad... someone should set up a condolence book, I know what you are saying about people getting addicted to stuff like this... And the 2 hour thing well I know that I spend more than that but then again I already know i am 'basically' addicted to the site however I know I would never take my life. This is a very sad story that should be a lesson to everone really... The internet is not real life...
Rest In Peace.

#7 HSDEMONZ

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Posted 13 March 2004 - 09:16 PM

At least you know you are addicted and can admit it. Most can't. therein lies the first problem. Can't get help when you can't admit there is a problem.

(/me waves to the banned idiot who got his account banned andpost deleted from this thread 5 minutes ago.)

Least I know the morons mentioned in this threads first post are reading this. Hopefully.. they look within themselves.. and get the help they clealry need.

I wish them luck on their metal health recovery.

#8 chilin_dude

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Posted 13 March 2004 - 09:19 PM

QUOTE (HSDEMONZ @ Mar 13 2004, 11:16 PM)
At least you know you are addicted and can admit it. Most can't. therein lies the first problem. Can't get help when you can't admit there is a problem.

(/me waves to the banned idiot who got his account banned andpost deleted from this thread 5 minutes ago.)

Least I know the morons mentioned in this threads first post are reading this. Hopefully.. they look within themselves.. and get the help they clealry need.

I wish them luck on their metal health recovery.

Some guys actually posted crap in this thread? Thats the worst thing any one could do in my opinion... Plus I know if i wanted to I can pull out of this place if i NEED to... whenever I need to seriously do the work I just unplug the net...

#9 DermicSavage

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Posted 13 March 2004 - 09:20 PM

well, from personal experience of a person that abandoned their real life "life" to make a "life" out in these communities, you cannot let yourself get very attached to anything or else it ends in depression and many other things that i have now learned to avoid...

HS, you make it sound like it is a serious problem if a person does not really have a real life, but in reality, you can have just as good(or even better) life than what you had or could achive irl

if you are like myself, for best result, you need to take part in many communities, as if you stick to one, and you become hated, youre really fucked, as you have nowhere to go, and any attempt at changing you name will be seen through in time(unless you just disappear for about a month or 3 where most memory of your old persona is mostly forgotten, and return with a different name and persona, if you act like the same person they will see thru u)

and if you are disliked in the community, you have two choices, #1 leave, rather easy thign to do; and #2 just tuough it through the ridicule, ignore most flames except for those that you can deliver a real good comeback, and your respect lev el will slowly be restored back to a humane level(it is difficult to accomplish, but results are better than having to say goodbye to them all, if you ever leave your memory will last for a very long time, and be flamed and ridiculed for a long time to come, it is best imo to just tuff it out)

i have been in some communities for well over 6 years now, and it is quite a rollercoaster, but i am having more fun living my life out in the internet than i would have living irl

#10 mrRobinson

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Posted 13 March 2004 - 09:21 PM

It's actually a shame that a post like this is needed but I bet it helps someone. If it helps some people wake up or figure out what's really important though then all the better. Hopefully it can prevent others from falling into that downward spiral.

#11 TheMuffinMan

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Posted 13 March 2004 - 09:25 PM

HSDemonz - if you don't mind, I'd like to post this on our XBC forums, it may hit home with some users from there as well.

#12 buckwilliamsca

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Posted 13 March 2004 - 09:26 PM

This is a very sad ... Hopefully others will learn from this and be responsible enough to get help so something like this will never happen again.

Addiction is a terrible thing, anyone can be addicted somehow, noone is invincible, remember that.

#13 HSDEMONZ

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Posted 13 March 2004 - 09:27 PM

I'll clarify my meaning for real life.

People can have and enjoy an enriching online persona/community.. but at the same time.. balance that with time with family, friends, outside experiences like work, school, and social and physical activities.

Too often.. the case becomes user "x" enjoy site "y" and irc channel "z" so much.. that real life goes to hell. They gain weight.. friends disappear.. family stops caring.. bill go unpaid because all of a sudden you are un-employed due to lack of performance due to sleep issues or missing owrk entirely.. etc.

These people.. end up making the decision to NEST.. they build their groovy online community around them quite literally.. as their PC room sees them more than the bedroom does.

I'm not a believer in the idea that ONLINE life can fully replace or is better than being out in the real world.. taking a walk.. and interacting with real people in a FACE to FACE manner. (short of people who can't actually go out due to physical conditions.. then any interaction is better than none I suppose)



#14 MeNaCe911

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Posted 13 March 2004 - 09:29 PM

QUOTE (mrRobinson @ Mar 13 2004, 06:21 PM)
It's actually a shame that a post like this is needed but I bet it helps someone. If it helps some people wake up or figure out what's really important though then all the better. Hopefully it can prevent others from falling into that downward spiral.

sometimes people cant help themselves...and the dont always make attention for people to notice...there was this one dude called skip luis who simply killed himself because his parents never said i love you(words needed to be heard by everyoen sometimes) and a girl didnt like him...small things like that affect a person and people dont notice...scary thought alot of the time...thats why im always askin people whats wrong...ig ot this one friend whos always pissed at his parents so i always make the dude laugh...he doesnt drugs and shit and i cant stop him...i can tell him its not right but i cant stop him...the most i can do is be with him and make sure hes ok...his parents are real assholes and he cant help it...i try to make it all good for him...i might be thinkin a little to broad thinking hes depressed cuz sometimes he doesnt show it but still...u should always look for signs on everyone...athletes, pimps, quiet kid, even the smart kid who gets a "B" for the first time...

#15 HSDEMONZ

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Posted 13 March 2004 - 09:30 PM

QUOTE (TheMuffinMan @ Mar 13 2004, 06:25 PM)
HSDemonz - if you don't mind, I'd like to post this on our XBC forums, it may hit home with some users from there as well.

Feel free to copy and paste in whole or in part.

As a member of XBC.. and a player who formerly played 3-4 night a week for 3-6 hours on that service.. I can attest that it would be of interest to some people there. I myself have cut back considerably to 4 hours a week.. and only in friendly lan games where I can see the people I'm playing. (admittedly.. not due to smartening up or anything.. just due to the fact that cheating took over.. and killed the one game I enjoyed.)




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