L O T W #2: Short Story
Posted 14 December 2006 - 02:25 AM
1. Obey XS rules
2. One entry per person
3. Profanity is allowed this time, but please use it moderately.
Your task is to write a short story (~100 - 1000 words) where the subject is disgruntled videogame characters. For example, write how pissed off Link is for adventuring for weeks/months then saving Zelda but never getting to first base with her, or how his adventures are always titled "The Legend of Zelda" yet all she ever does is get kidnapped and locked in Ganon's dungeon. Another example is how clinically sick Pac-Man has gotten from eating those mysterious yellow pills; maybe he wants to go through rehab and get his life back on track. Yet another example can be how some lead characters are mute (e.g., Link, Crono, etc.) and how they hate their handicap.
You can write it from any point of view, but I think it would be most interesting and fun if you wrote it from the first person. Don't be too concerned with word count.
Please give it a title. When voting times comes, I'll just post everyone's names and the title of their entries instead of posting all the stories again. Fear not: you will not be disqualified if you forget to title it when posting, but please give it a title when you return to the thread.
Submission deadline: Wednesday, December 20
Posted 20 December 2006 - 06:17 AM
Posted 21 December 2006 - 01:46 AM
Mario and Luigi were sitting around playing poker, talking about meatballs and plumbing and stuff, when all of a sudden the subject of “The Princess” came up. Luigi was like “Hey, Mario. You a-tappin’ dat or what? Eh?” To which Mario replied “You gotta be kiddin’ me! This Princess has been stringing me along for 25 years. Ever since I saved her dumb ass from that giant barrel throwing ape. Hey, you-a know why they call him Donkey Kong? You ever seen his plumbing? Holy cow!!! Anyway, I asked her backed then, and she was all “Mario, you’re really sweet and all, but I don’t wanna ruin our friendship.” Whatever!!! That little slut likes the Industrial strength PVC if you know what I’m talking ‘bout over here. Why do you think she keeps letting herself get captured by that Koopa? Coincidence? Nah! Bigger plumbing than Donkey.”
Posted 21 December 2006 - 05:02 AM
Did I step in something? Great, these were new shoes. For once I would like to just be able to hop into my ship, put in my eight hours shooting ratigators, and go home without smelling like shit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a date, when you have a used condom stuck to the bottom of your shoe? Sure I got a cool name.....Ghost, but think about it, how many ghosts smell like a 6 week old chili dog?
All the hotties live up top in Solar City, there ain't nothing but fugly chuds down here. I am pretty sure that "woman" that was hitting on me last night had a moose knuckle. Forget that.
Falco is nice, but I have never met her face to face, I just have to listen to her conspiracy theories day after day on the comm.
Ive had it, that's it. Time for me to get a real woman. I am pointing this baby up the next tube and going to blast my way up onto the surface. They'll never see it coming....they might smell it, but.....
(Remember "Sewer Shark" for the Sega CD?)
Posted 21 December 2006 - 02:46 PM
Well, here's mine:
No Love Lost
Ugh! Why do I bother? Time after time, I've saved this stupid girl, but she can't be bothered to remember my name. How is it that I remember all of my adventures, yet the rest of the world forgets? The only thing keeping me going is the smile on her face; I'm such a loser. I wish I could tell her how I feel, but I can't. I may have to show her, though.
What sucks the worst is the amount of shit I have to put up with just to catch a glimpse of her. Just the other day, I had to listen to 40 minutes of inane chatter from these bulky moronic creatures that call themselves Gorons. I got tired of them and went to bed. I doubt they noticed I had left. During my nap, I saw her for a brief moment in my dream before I was awakened by my companion. "Hey!" she screamed. It must have been the 2,847th time the bitch broke my concentration by screaming "Hey!" at me. Well, I had to do it. I grabbed my boomerang and lobbed it at her to knock her unconscious. I tied her up with my trusty rope so she couldn't fly away. Then, I put on some heavy boots that I found in a cavern and stomped on the little fairy. She didn't even make a sound. She just lay still as I crushed her little body. I'm glad I'm finally rid of that incessant nuisance. Goodbye, Navi, you won't be missed.
After that, I couldn't sleep, so I went back to trekking for her. I got lost in some woods. I wasn't scared of the Ghosts and Moblins that littered the dark land, but what did scare me was this overly-happy oddball I met in there that somehow knew I needed a map. He had a red balloon. I shot an arrow at it and caused him to land ass-first into small pond of quicksand. He no longer wore a smile on his face. In fact, he began screaming. He kept repeating something that sounded like, "tingle loompa." Not wanting to take the chance of this nincompoop following me around for the rest of my journey, with my bow still drawn, I shot an arrow between his eyes. Two down; one to go.
Several weeks of adventuring later, I killed this pig-faced dolt who called himself Ganondorf. How this retard was my biggest enemy is beyond me. I mean, all I had to do was find a pattern of attack and repeat it over and over to kill him. How this motherfucker's able to dress himself is a mystery to me, let alone kidnapping a princess and making my life hell. Christ, I'm not even old enough to drink, but I can go through all this shit for some broad who won't so much as give me a handjob for my efforts. Maybe she knows I was born without a tongue, and that's the reason why I can't talk and can't do, ahem, other things had I a tongue. The only explanation I can surmise is that Navi must have told her about my other shortcoming. I knew I shouldn't have let Navi help me shower. Damn, I should have been more cautious.
Oh well, the time has come to liberate myself from my third and final aggravation. If this chick can be captured by a pig who's dumber than a box of shit, she won't stand a chance against me. As soon as I find her in this tower, I'll wait until she recognizes me and smiles. That's when I'll take out my hookshot and disembowel her. Alas, the witching hour has come. Wish me luck!
Posted 21 December 2006 - 06:06 PM
Posted 21 December 2006 - 06:20 PM
Posted 21 December 2006 - 08:34 PM
I thought I was a shoe-in for the Victory, until StictPuppet and metaldevil posted. Now I don't know.
I totally forgot about this till yesterday, then I saw your post and quickly wrote something up.
Winning by default is a hollow victory, which I knew you wouldnt like.
Anyway, TK and metal, good job guys. I like them both, but I will wait till the voting begins before I critique...hahhahaha
Posted 22 December 2006 - 05:37 AM
John Madden is sitting on a toilet, in the EA Sports bus, sulking, after Al Michaels told him that he was going out with Dick Vitale and Lee Corso for drinks, and he wasn't invited. Weeping to himself, Madden contemplates his friendship with Michaels... "BAM!! why wasn't I invited to WHAM!! go out with the fella's. Now, now, now, now it's just not comprehendable. You see this guy over here (Circles him) he is lonely because this guy over here (draws arrow to him) treats him like shit BAM!!. Madden moans in pain for hours until he falls asleep, still squating on the toilet.
Michaels comes home with a hooker, and has a sexual explosion on Madden's new cashmere sweater. Madden awakes from his slumber, and peeks outside the bathroom...
"What time did you get home last night, Al"
"Don't worry about it, John"
"That's it, I've had it with you, get the f#ck off my EA Sports bus"
"Relax John, I'll get you a new wool sweater from Wal Mart!!!"
"F#ck you Al"
He grabs Al by the throat and throws him under the bus's tires.
Posted 22 December 2006 - 06:27 AM
StrictPuppet: Ghosts Lament
metaldevil: No Love Lost
killerbootsman: Madden 08
Deadline: Thursday, December 28
Good luck, everyone!
Edited by metaldevil, 22 December 2006 - 01:41 PM.
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