I got news about a member of XS.. who committed Suicide this past Tues.

Allow me to spend a few minutes and comment about this.

He was a semi active poster here.. more than a few hundred posts.. and loved this site, and related scene channels. Active in some of the technical forums.

He was a teen.. who had the typical batch of problems some teens have...

Problems with skin.. acne.. etc.
Problems with being unpopular..
Problems at home with parents and siblings..
Couldn't get more than one date with a girl..

...and more.

Well.. I guess he felt that the one thing he was good at was XBOX. He was a great game player. Played with him a few time myself on Xbconnect. Playing him made you a better player.. cause it was clear he was a borderline clan type player.

He also loved to dig into the scene.. and learn all about what you can do with a modded unit. Few people knew more than him.

Now here is where it all turns sour.

Well.. his parents started fighting.. more often then usual at XMAS... ruined xmas. Tension brewed.. and one walked out on the other. Now we have a broken house.. and an already depressed and screwed up kid. Well.. one of the two parents decided to commit suicide. As you can imagine.. in a household that had problems.. this just made things 100 times worse.

So.. he now has one widowed parent.. things can't get much worse right?

January rolls around.. report card time. Bad grades.. surviving parent decideds for the first time to smack our member knocking them to the ground.

One dead parent.. one abusive parent.

He then heads off to school for the new semester. Acne not giving him any breaks.. and all his attempts to gain acceptance amongst his peers just get him ridiculed.

Somewhere along the line.. he managed to get a girl in the same grade to go out with him. Not sure how he did it.. but managed to have sex with her. Both being 14.. young and stupid... turns out she got pregnant. (he was batting 1000 apparently)

So.. for those keeping school.. busted up homelife.. one dead parent.. screwed up social life and school life.. and a "girlfriend" he touched once and got pregnant.

Now.. this is where XS comes in.

Instead of getting professional Physhiactric help.. he decided to pour himself into this site. He become active. reading and absorbing everything. He becomes a BST sellers and trader and starts bartering alot on the forum. He becomes active in 6 or 7 scene related channels.

He then makes a few mistakes...

In BST.. he screws up a few transactions. His name get's tarnished. In other forums.. he made the mistake of assuming something when in fact he was wrong.. got exposed for it.. and then was laughed at.

This carries over into his IRC persona.. where people realize the connection from his now screwed up XS name.. and his IRC Persona. He is again pushed aside.. taunted.. and laughed at.

So.. he comes back online to XS.. makes some slams against the staff.. and decides to go out in a blaze of glory. Posts some clealry bad shit.. (double whammy of porn links and backups sales) in an effort to get some attention one last time. He gets it.. gets banned for it.

A couple of days later he was dead.

I spent 2 hours with his mother Friday night. Accessed his account from his machine.. and found PM's to and from members. Plenty of them cruel reminders that this guy just couldn't seem to find a way to fit in.

Talked to his mom.. and found that she didn't even know he was dead for 24 hrs because she was too drunk. Sad.

Learned though.. that the boy was on and off illegal drugs.. and was on and off prescribed anti-depressants.. etc. This kid was a toxic cocktail. He had stopped getting profession help 10 months befire taking his own life. By my calculation.. that means his entire time on this site.. when he should have been getting professional help.. he was ignoring the advice of family, friends, and medical professionals... and wasting hours online this site and related channels.. trying to gain himself an "image" as a cool XS member.

He had aspirations of trying to be a DEV in this scene... always mouthing off about this project and that. Mostly to get attention. Because of his immaturity.. the only attention he got from anyone was bad. His replies to some negative posts just made the situation worse for him.. as people can smell a fraud a mile away.

Bottom line.. one dumb kid who spent too much time online and not enough time with his friends and family and doctors took his life.

He's not the first person to attempt.. or claim to attempt suicide. But as far as I know.. he was the first to succeed. A few Months ago.. another dumb kid came on XS.. who had some personal issue like home, family and school etc.. had turned XS and online life into his sanctuary.. then one day flipped out.. Posted a suicide letter on XS and then gave goodbe notices in relevant irc channels. He then allegedly popped some pills.. and would be dead if not for the interfence and good judgement of another member. He too.. spent far too much time online.. and on this site... instead of living in the real world.. with real people.. and getting REAL help from medical professionals.

We see the signs in other members lately as well I'm afriad. These members have taken to XS like a fish does to water. However.. already.. the signs are there that they spend too much time here.. and give this site too much importance in their lives. A few in Newbie Chat.. and a few in some other technical and sales forums. They are spending what appears as all of their free time.. helping.. posting.. etc. However.. .some took there activity to mean that they were special.. or worse.. that XS owed them something. So their attitude changed.. posts became agressive and anti-XS or anti-autohrity etc. Night and day difference in their posting habits. It's extremely clear that these people who once relished or cherished this site.. and now are pissed off and upset because they haven't gotten the "respect" or whatever it is they think they are owed by this scene real or imagined. These people need to unplug. and get help asap. I won't mention names.. it's not necessary. Most of you may know who they new trouble makers are.. and see the same signs that we do.

Other people.. with lesser mental disorders.. but still should seek clinical help.. have taken to making mimic sites of xs. These people too.. appear to suffer from various stages of mental disorder.. boardering on the addictive / obsessive. Having had their accounts banned.. and not being welcome here on XS.. they take the initiative to regain what they have lost.. in a veiled attempt anyways.. by producing a mimic site that they can control. (which in itself is laughable.. considering it's the control aspects of XS some of them bitched about most.) They ended up being a gathering of mostly members who are banned.. who never contributed here in any useful or meaningful fashion. (with the exception of one or two individuals) These are people.. at least the obsessive ones who created the mimic sites.. I hope will seek the medical attention they need and deserve.

Then you have another group of disturbed people.. these are the ones you might be more familair with. They post for awhile.. don't like the fact a mod stepped on their toes.. then make it their personal mission in life to make that moderator's job harder. These people are the reason Head Mods now have the power to remove your priv to post on XS. These users turn around.. and post crap like "XS sucks" or "XS is this and that.." and that it "doesn't matter to them". Funny thing.. if it didn't matter to them.. they wouldn't post. The usual pattern after a post like that.. is that they act out more.. and make more posts like XS doesn't matter to them. As you can see.. it does. These are the people I'm currently most concerned about. They like to bash people.. and make obnoxious claims that people here have no life.. etc.. however.. if they had "lives" outside of XS.. they would see the futility of their posts. We do. They may have any number of disorders.. boarding on the addictive / obsessive to the attention seeking / doesn't get the love and attention from other sources. These people.. are at an early stage in their disorder.. and can likley be treated if they seek help now.. instead of wasting their precious time on XS.

These disorder that the oabove members are sufferings from.. may not lead directly to suicide.. but they will linger and fester to engulf other aspects of their lives.. affecting everything from their social lives to whether or not they will be a functional and contributing member of society.

Some quotes from the CDC...

Damn well i guess to be totaly honest at one time i was a messed up and everthing seemed to be going against me in every way. But my parents got involved and got me help. I cant thank them enough. Now i do spend a lot of time on here and helping people but i make sure to still hang with friends and have fun. Thanks X- Box scene. and if u do have any probs and think about suicide GET HELP.

this isnt the first time i hear of this...my friend was once obsessed with something so much it took him to the brink of suicide...luckily it was just a attention attempt...i ask u to actually make this a sticky as a reference for those too obsessed with the scene...i have great sorrow for those lost due to over activity on this website. it scary to hear that someone killed themselves...especially when u know them personally...i go to a school were someone dies atleast twice a year and i hate hearing about it. suicide is hard to notice alot of the time...i especially hate neglecting parents, ive known a few. i hope this post reaches out and touches more than half of the board memebers.

Good idea. I'll pin it in a day or two.. assuming posts drop off an it's not active enough to stay up on it's own merit.

Damn... that is too sad... someone should set up a condolence book, I know what you are saying about people getting addicted to stuff like this... And the 2 hour thing well I know that I spend more than that but then again I already know i am 'basically' addicted to the site however I know I would never take my life. This is a very sad story that should be a lesson to everone really... The internet is not real life...
Rest In Peace.

At least you know you are addicted and can admit it. Most can't. therein lies the first problem. Can't get help when you can't admit there is a problem.

(/me waves to the banned idiot who got his account banned andpost deleted from this thread 5 minutes ago.)

Least I know the morons mentioned in this threads first post are reading this. Hopefully.. they look within themselves.. and get the help they clealry need.

I wish them luck on their metal health recovery.

well, from personal experience of a person that abandoned their real life "life" to make a "life" out in these communities, you cannot let yourself get very attached to anything or else it ends in depression and many other things that i have now learned to avoid...

HS, you make it sound like it is a serious problem if a person does not really have a real life, but in reality, you can have just as good(or even better) life than what you had or could achive irl

if you are like myself, for best result, you need to take part in many communities, as if you stick to one, and you become hated, youre really fucked, as you have nowhere to go, and any attempt at changing you name will be seen through in time(unless you just disappear for about a month or 3 where most memory of your old persona is mostly forgotten, and return with a different name and persona, if you act like the same person they will see thru u)

and if you are disliked in the community, you have two choices, #1 leave, rather easy thign to do; and #2 just tuough it through the ridicule, ignore most flames except for those that you can deliver a real good comeback, and your respect lev el will slowly be restored back to a humane level(it is difficult to accomplish, but results are better than having to say goodbye to them all, if you ever leave your memory will last for a very long time, and be flamed and ridiculed for a long time to come, it is best imo to just tuff it out)

i have been in some communities for well over 6 years now, and it is quite a rollercoaster, but i am having more fun living my life out in the internet than i would have living irl

It's actually a shame that a post like this is needed but I bet it helps someone. If it helps some people wake up or figure out what's really important though then all the better. Hopefully it can prevent others from falling into that downward spiral.

HSDemonz - if you don't mind, I'd like to post this on our XBC forums, it may hit home with some users from there as well.

This is a very sad ... Hopefully others will learn from this and be responsible enough to get help so something like this will never happen again.

Addiction is a terrible thing, anyone can be addicted somehow, noone is invincible, remember that.

I'll clarify my meaning for real life.

People can have and enjoy an enriching online persona/community.. but at the same time.. balance that with time with family, friends, outside experiences like work, school, and social and physical activities.

Too often.. the case becomes user "x" enjoy site "y" and irc channel "z" so much.. that real life goes to hell. They gain weight.. friends disappear.. family stops caring.. bill go unpaid because all of a sudden you are un-employed due to lack of performance due to sleep issues or missing owrk entirely.. etc.

These people.. end up making the decision to NEST.. they build their groovy online community around them quite literally.. as their PC room sees them more than the bedroom does.

I'm not a believer in the idea that ONLINE life can fully replace or is better than being out in the real world.. taking a walk.. and interacting with real people in a FACE to FACE manner. (short of people who can't actually go out due to physical conditions.. then any interaction is better than none I suppose)

i dont exactly see the logic behind talking to someone face to face...

i mean you can discuss all the same stuff to a person even if they arent "there" for you to see

it is true, that you will prolly not have very many(if any at all) true friends who would extend a helping hand in time of need, but that is a choice i made and understand

meanwhile, yes i do agree that those people that become sour and go as far as make their own communities do have problems, but there really isnt anything you can do about it, if theyre goin gto be immature and not grow up, let them, it is their decision to go down a self destructive path

I like visiting forums for information and new things to try out and do for the reasons i dont sleep very well.

This forum AND NO OTHER is so scarily addictive it really made me think ... this was few months ago when i thought this so its wierd how this has come up... ... This, for me, is a kick in the teeth back to reality.

Respect goes to the to the people that cared for the guy, and I hope he's now found peace with himself.

Geez.. I never even mention the whole Insomnia issue.. and how it relates often to these issues.

Insomnia.. is something else far too many of us have.. and can have horrible affects on many aspects oour lifes. Similarly.. treatments exist.. and professionals should be consults.

I don't have any helpful links.. but you are all a smart bunch of guys. You'll find them. (if you search)

thats story is really sad... i feel sorry for the kid

you just only need to realize that there is more to life than XS....

well for me i dont think the case is insomnia, more like.... 6 months ago i saw 12am as late, 4 months ago i saw 1am as late..... 2 months ago i saw 2am as late... today... i see 3am as late... or is that insomnia? any way sorry ... off topic ....

I don't know who it is but Im sorry. My condolensces to his mother if you see her again.

HSDEMONZ - I feel you put too much emphasis on this site being a factor in his decision. It sounds like he had plenty of other issues which coaxed him.
And to call him a dumb kid would be arrogant would it not? you might not have had to deal with his problems in your own life...feel grateful...but don't cut him down for his misfortunes.

btw-why would YOU speak to his mother?? are you a personal friend??

I feel bad for his mother and family, not him, he choice his own path, he could have stepped off, his life sounded hard but we all have hard lives, just different degress, once again, sympathy to the family, its a shame when a kid goes.

HSDEMONZ, not to say this in a negative way, but who banned him? I'm not blaming anyone for his suicide, but I just wanted to know.

Since people like to come in, and take a different, immature, turn of this thread, I am going to have to lock it. HSDEMONZ can unlock it when he feels the need.

Well.. I reviewed the posts that were removed from this thread.. and from I can see.. it's little more than curiousity. Mostly harmless. No biggie IMO.

I expect some people to take shots. It's easy to do. I also expected people to speculate who it was. I knew it was a nasty can of worms that was being opened.

I hope you'll understand.. out of respect.. I won't be releasing the name. Don't hassle the mods or other admin for it.. I've already turned them down as well.

This thread is open for discussion.. assuming anyone has anything to say on the matter.

It might be interesting to share similar tragic stories.

Wow, I don't know where to begin. I could say alot regarding this thread, but won't for the time being.

For right now, I will say that it is a shame that someone did take their life, and that the internet was their only way to "escape" from their problems in life. It's sad in a couple ways, one that they had to come here (the internet) to get "help" or acceptance. The second is that when they do come to the internet, they get shit on. Granted it's not everyones job to babysit, and help people out, yet I'm sure there was some signs, as there always is, that this individual needed help.

It's also a shame that a thread like this can't go without having someone post something negative, or something that needs to be removed.


I hope everyone can take something from this post. Whether they are the ones that need help, or maybe this can help some of us recognize some warning signs for those that due need help.

I myslef spend alot moe then 2 hours on this site, or just the internet itself. I have not cut myself off from the outside though. I will admit this site is somewhat addictave though. It is more of an information outlet for me, as well as a place to just kinda chat it up and have some fun.

dayuuum, after reading all this i really recognize how internet can harm people. i really gotta admit that i'm addicted to xbox-scene/xbox-modding. 3 weeks ago i was sitting working at my xbox until 3 in the morning and woke up at 7 in the morning to put another clear coat on my case before going to school. a year ago i was playing counter-strike until 5 in the morning and worked up my rank to #1.

yeah, when i look at my situatin right now, i really hang out at least 2-4 hours a day on this forum. i try to learn more stuff, and also to help other people if i can.
i do alot of xbox case modding 3 within less then a month, not only because i like to do it, also because i like to present people my work and earn respect.

but, still i do have a good life. spend time with my family/friends and go to parties, having fun

i seriously have to say, spending too much time on the computer/internet is no good. but that all depends on the person.

back to his sad short life. i really feel sorry for people who liked him. maybe he didn't know about them. i don't feel sorry for his mother. decicions that she made are wrong and can't be accepted. kids like him end up that sad, because the parents failed to give love to their kids. some kids can live with it and become stronger; some don't and give up ...
foreal it's also his fault, he had his life in his own hands. he could have chosed another path and try to find help ...


all in all this is a very very sad story. should he rest in peace and find love in a better place ...

R.I.P. Plehem12

This is why Xbox-Scene is great. HSD posted this information to help people and not to lure them into more addiction to XS.

For the member that commited suicide, if XS hadn't been a major part of his life, suicide may have still been a tempting decision. After all, his girlfriend getting pregnant, divorce, his life doesn't sound good. I understand why he would want to comit suicide. Anyhow, still very sad.

I am on the internet/computer for probably about 2 hours a day (sometimes more). I don't think I am addicted to XS but I definately enjoy being on here.

Thanks for posting this information.

everything else aside..HSDEMONZ, I think it was completely disgraceful that you went through his emails and PM's...or even went into his room.
If something happened to me...I sure as hell wouldn't want some lowlife rifling through my PERSONAL emails and conversations.
had my best friend gone through my emails it would still be wrong...only understandable to a point.
shameful.

well he prob. did it for a reason why the kid commited suicide other than what was going on in his life

VERY VERY SAD I read this thread right now and have to say that I'm not awfully surprised it happened, yet it's none the less very tragic.

I figure I spend at least 1 hour a day here, but sometimes even 6 or more. I've for a long time now said that I have to cut my time here to zero, since I think it's a tragic way to spend my youth. I've got several "cool" friends in school. Among them I'm often as appreciated as one can be. But they think I'm sick as I spend so much time with my PC, and they're getting seriously tired of me. Though, I'm not specifically worried as I know that if I was well in my legs and didn't have any diseases as I do now, I would be playing soccer which is the ultimate sport IMO.
I'm incredibly interested in sports, and unfortunately in technology as well, so now that I've been sick for a long time it's made me go into X-S a lot more. And I can't hang with my friends either because I don't want to get them ill. That I visit X-S too much is not much problem for me, I just need to unplug, but that's easier said than done.

The problem I guess occured to this guy and others is that they consider you as heroes, and when you start disliking them for specific reasons they might feel absolutely abandoned. A lot of people dislike me here, but as I'm discussing some politics I know I'll get kicked at, that's the rules of the game, so it won't bother me whatsoever, but it appeared to bother a guy that used to discuss with me, as he mentioned my name in his "resignation". It's not easy to know others personal issues through a screen though.

I hope everybody would get out a little more. I waste time on lots of stupid shit, instead of having a blast with my friends. X-S is not your future, that's all I know, use it wisely.

still he had permission to do so...so he did...

yeah, he had permission by his fucked up mother... what changes that from being indecent?

Well I too think it was wrong to look through the persons private emails and Pm's... however it's a fucked up world we live in so I suppose that maybe it was doen to try to find out if some specific person was responsible?
Although it was wrong... what r the cops going to do?

i support HSDEMONZ's actions.... i would have done the same...