And I thought that this problem only happened to 15 year olds in Canada JK
Clamping down on dry humping and blue balls
By Jim Weber
February 13, 2003
I hate to admit it but, as many times as I have dry humped, I still don't know when it is coming. The situation is always the same: the lights are out, we're kissing, I am on top, starting to get into it and then - WHAM. Her legs turn into clamps and we're dry humping. There are honestly times when I've thought to myself: "It is going to take the Jaws of Life to get out of this." And then, before I know it, it's over. Most times, it isn't just the dry humping that ends; it is the hookup altogether. So I am left lying in bed exhausted, frustrated and sore - the latter two I wish to talk about in more detail.
Most girls think that "Blue Balls" simply means a guy is just really turned on. I wish that were the case. The balls don't actually turn blue, but they do actually ache with pain. It really does feel like someone is squeezing your testicles. My question is: would it be acceptable for a girl to reach out, grab a guy's testicles and squeeze (unless you are kinky like that)? Then, why is it acceptable for a girl to turn you on, and then not finish the job?
And that's what girls don't get. Girls know that when they arouse a guy another way (use your imagination), they would be obligated to finish. But for some reason, they don't feel the same obligation with dry humping. According to one girl I know, after a dry hump, the ball is in the guy's court to please the girl, because dry humping is the girl's way of pleasing the guy. I hate to break it to my female readers but, we aren't dogs; we don't hump things for fun.
I can hear my female readers now: "If guys don't like dry humping, then why do they go along with it?"
And that is what girls don't get. Girls think that dry humping is stimulating for guys because they don't believe guys would do anything that wasn't immediately pleasing to them. Well ladies, if you want proof, just think of a time you have dry humped a guy who is wearing jeans. There is nothing more painful during a hookup than dry humping in jeans (unless - again - you are kinky). You want to talk about chaffing and getting jammed ... The guy might as well get up and ram himself into the wall - there's no difference.
In fact, stimulation has nothing to do with why guys dry hump. The only reason guys do it is that they think it is a precursor for something else. In a guy's minds it is foreplay, but in a girl's mind, it oftentimes is the play. As one of my friends put it: "Guys may think they like it until it stops, and there's nothing else." I'm not saying either gender is right or wrong; I'm just explaining the situation. If a girl stops, thinking they have pleased their man, there's a big problem.
Once again, I can hear my female readers: "Girls 'finish' on guys a lot more than guys finish on girls." And that may be true. But there is a fundamental difference in the reason why girls don't get guys off and guy's don't get girls off. If a guy doesn't finish on a girl, it is rarely from a lack of effort. It is just simply because girls are just much harder to please than guys. On the flip side, even if girls think guys enjoy dry humping, they know that it won't get a guy off. So when girls finish a hookup with a dry hump, it should come as no surprise if they are labeled a "cock tease."
So what is the solution? First of all, people need to be honest about their expectations before they hookup. If it is clear one person doesn't want to go past dry humping and both parties still want to dry hump, then more power to them. I think a lot of people feel this open communication will create an awkward situation. I don't know about you, but I don't think anything can be more awkward than having "outer course." Think about it, isn't the term itself an oxymoron? It really puzzles me how open some people are with their partners talking about sex, and yet these same people don't know whether or not their partner enjoys dry humping.
Maybe before people can feel comfortable talking to the opposite sex about dry humping, they need to feel comfortable talking about it in general. Only until I proposed this column idea to my friends did I first start to grasp how prevalent dry humping is. Fact is, most guys are embarrassed to bring it up because it isn't anything to brag about. Think about it: as much as guys talk, have you ever heard anyone say, "Man, last night was the craziest dry hump I've ever had"?
I've gone out on a limb here and said what most guys (and I don't know, maybe even what most girls) are thinking. But I understand if people are still hesitant to say or do anything about it without knowing who agrees with them. So, maybe we should start out simple. How about making ribbons and passing them out in the Diag, so we can see just how many people are against dry humping.
I don't think the color bluish-purple is taken yet.
Weber is a Business junior and a member of the Daily sports staff.